No. Seriously, I can’t stand them. Because it’s just one more way we try to control the uncontrollable. And think about it: every time you hear a woman tell her birth story she starts by saying “Of course, none of it went the way we expected.”
So WHY ARE WE TRYING TO PLAN THIS S**T PEOPLE?
Birth is beautiful because - like life - every single one is different. Trying to predict your birth is like trying to predict how the sunset will look next Tuesday; just because you’ve seen a sunset, doesn’t mean you know that this one is going to be red and pink with purple clouds. And just because you’ve heard that your best friend’s birth was X Y and Z, doesn’t mean that’s what you’re gonna get. Forget it, girlfriend.
Am I telling you not to think about it beforehand? Am I advocating that you just show up and see what happens? NOOOOOOO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. In fact, the opposite. Forget the plan but PREPARE YOURSELF. Potentially by doing the following things:
Get clear on your “birth preferences”.
Notice I said preferences and not plans? That was on purpose. It might be naive to say how you want your birth to turn out but you can stipulate the conditions under which you would like to birth. Which is your right. Some examples: I would like to labor at home as long as possible (with my doula/partner, etc) before I go to the hospital. Or I prefer to have the lights dimmed and not to have too many people in the room. Or I would prefer that you don’t offer me medications unless I ask for them. Or I would prefer it if you used the word “surges” instead of “contractions”. Preferences are good, know what you want and you’re much more likely to get it.
Educate yourself
Get clear on what your body is capable of and find a new story about birth: one that isn’t about how it sucks but at least there’s a baby at the end of it. Because girrrl, you can expect more than that. Women in Victorian England probably didn’t orgasm very often because the prevailing story about sex was that it was for the man’s pleasure and female orgasms weren’t even a thing - and if you don’t tell a woman about orgasms then she only discovers them if the right circumstances accidentally occur and she gets lucky. Which is what we’re doing with birth (if you think about it) because right now, women only get an empowering experience if the right circumstances happen to occur accidentally.
Unless they educate themselves.
So go to a natural birthing class, read some books and find other women to talk to. Do it as early as you can - don’t leave this till you’re in your third trimester.
Gather your team
Make sure your partner is as educated as you are. Read birth stories to each other at bedtime, tell them what you think is possible, get on the same page. Then make sure that your care provider is someone who listens to you, gives you time to explore your fears/hopes/dreams, lets you ask all of the questions and never EVER makes you feel like you can’t do it. If not, ditch them and find a new care provider. And get yo’ self a birth doula. Coz you’re gonna need her. (Check out Doula Match to find doulas in your area).
Find a mind-body practice and then DO IT EVERY DAY
Yoga Nidra, hypnobirthing, breathing exercises, visualization, you name it, just find one and do it as often as you can. After all, would you train for a marathon by doing one or two runs beforehand? And would you prepare for a weightlifting competition by READING BOOKS about it? Obviously not. The books are there so you know what’s possible but the thing that will get you through your birth is PRACTICE. And lots of it. Believing in natural birth is only the first step to preparing for a natural birth. The second step is getting out of your head and into your body, which requires practice. Because if you’re a Westerner then chances are, you live in your head and you need to find a way to get the f**k out of it if you want a positive birthing experience.
Expect positive outcomes
If you told yourself over and over again that you wouldn’t be able to do something, would you expect it to go well? Nope.If you’re on a bicycle and you tell yourself “Don’t hit the pothole, don’t hit the pothole.” what’s going to happen? You’re going to hit the pothole, that’s what. So watch as many positive birthing stories as you can find (YouTube and Instagram are now abundant with such things) and tell anyone with a birthing horror story not to let the door hit them on the way out.
And on the day itself?
Let go of timing and how you think it’s gonna go and just let it happen by listening to your body and say “yes” to what it’s doing. This is, ironically, harder than trying to stick to a plan because planning is what we’ve all been trained to do, whilst letting go is some serious warrior goddess s**t. Although, now that I think about it, there is one thing you can probably plan for. Which is that at some point you’ll most likely think you can’t do it. So tell whoever your birthing partner is that at that moment their job is to look you in the eyes and remind you that you were made for this and the Universe has your back. Then let it go and see what happens.
Because when you make a “birth plan” the goddess laughs. And so do I.