All I can eat now is pickles and toast with Marmite. But nobody panic; mum just mailed an emergency supply of the latter, so I’m all set.
For those of you who aren’t British, Marmite is a sticky, black substance made from yeast. I think. Anyway, it tastes like salt, you put it on bread and it’s apparently the only thing this baby will tolerate. Apart from pickles.
“How about some chocolate?” I suggest.
“You know I don’t like sugar,” baby chides.
“I could really murder a cup of tea right now,” I say.
“Caffeine is bad for me,” baby retorts.
“Well if you’re so concerned for your health then howz about a few vegetables?” I plead.
“Nope. Not into it”.
Sigh
The kid’s logic is already severely questionable, given that it won’t let me eat anything sugary but apparently wants Skittles. Yesterday, I was just about to check out at the pharmacy when, seeing a green packet by the cashier, I began to salivate immediately.
“I am NOT giving you Skittles,” I say. “Absolutely not. I have standards.”
“First I’ve heard of it,” comes the reply.
This kid is going to walk all over me.